God, the way liberals wish He is

God, the way liberals wish He is

An op-ed column in today’s Boston Globe, written by a United Church of Christ minister, is a joking supposed news account of God hold a press conference and giving all world religions a timeout. In this rendition God is referred to as “He/She” and He treats all religions equally, promising to punish them all for doing bad things in His name. (Although, presumably the United Church of Christ gets off scot-free.)

MAKING HIS first public remarks in more than 1,000 years [1,000? – Ed.], God appeared in the heavens yesterday and ordered all world religions founded in His/Her name to “immediately take a well-deserved and long overdue time-out.” At the crowded press conference, hastily called by the angel Gabriel with a trumpet blast, God’s tone switched between anger and sadness as He/She described being frustrated with the boundless cruelty and violence committed in His/Her name.

“It’s not like I haven’t been patient,” said God, who is also known as Lord, Yahweh, Allah, Creator, and the Unnamed One. “I make and give to humans this beautiful gift called Creation. I give them the ability to think and love and imagine. I send them messengers who teach. I provide food for all, sunsets, cute babies, music, even the Internet! But the minute I turn my back, they all start fighting. Holy War this, Crusade that, and Jihad, blah, blah, blah,” He/She said.

This is the God liberals wish existed. For this God there is no religion that stands out. No Church is the bearer of His truth. All are equal in His eyes … equally foolish. He opines on mundane topics like reality TV and baseball and feigns ignorance, referring reporters to the Devil for answers.

Oh how witty the minister is, how charming in his casual blasphemy. All the intellectually superior snobs can read the essay and chuckle up their sleeve at the silly rubes who actually still believe in dogmatic and doctrinal religions. Yeah, real charming.

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Written by
Domenico Bettinelli

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