To heck with metrosexuals

To heck with metrosexuals

I am sick and tired of this whole “metrosexual” thing. For those who don’t know, it’s the new term for guys who aren’t gay, but act it. Here’s one definition: “Of or pertaining to a straight, urban male who is eager to embrace and even show off his feminine side, especially when it comes to expensive haircuts, designer suits, and $40 face cream.” I think this definition is better: “A dandyish narcissist in love with not only himself, but also his urban lifestyle.”

Boston Globe columnist Brian McGrory sums up the metrosexual dilemma. Just when it seems that all the trends point to metrosexual being hip, suddenly you have Russell Crowe in Master and Commander and Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai pointing back to masculinity.

Maybe part of the problem is that too many get their ideas of how to behave from trends, and especially stupid TV shows like “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”, (which i have never watched, thank you very much.)

That’s just great, a huge help. So, masculine or feminine? Crowe or queer? Hand lotion or hand trucks?

Believe me, this is a nagging conflict in men everywhere, and to prove it I asked a few friends what’s the most masculine thing they’ve done lately. The consensus: They’ve turned feminine, but by default as much as design, and they’re not sure whether to be happy about it.

Stephen in Cohasset asked: “You mean, like smoke cigars? Play poker? Chew tobacco? Build a cabinet?”


“Nothing like that. Does anything my wife did count?”

Geez, what is wrong with guys? Be a man, act like a man. If you look to everyone else to decide how to act, if it any wonder you swing around in circles like a weathervane? And any woman who wants a feminine guy—as McGrory’s female friend does when she says she wants a man who is “just gay enough”—isn’t looking for a man, in my opinion, but wants a woman without becoming a lesbian.

Build stuff, smoke cigars, drink Scotch. Care about you appearance, but if you ever put nailpolish on or own more shoes than your girlfriend or wife, you’re done. It loks like feminism has won; there are few men left.

And why is sushi-eating metrosexual? It’s raw fish meat! You have to be manly to eat that.

  • Whether manly men eat raw fish aside, I think you’ve hit on the real point. In a previous age, those we now call metrosexuals would have been called dandies or fops, not out of place in perfume and lace in the Sun King’s Court or the Court of St. James. Very intereting.

  • Sorry, I will have to disagree on the sushi issue: eating any animal flesh raw is manly. And I agree with c matt: that stuff is equipment. It’s not designed to make you look better, like most shoes are.