Ted Kennedy says Augusto Pinochet received Communion, so he should too despite enabling the murder of milliosn of aborted babies. Good argument there, Ted.
Of course, Kennedy tries to weasel his way out of it by assuring all the little old Catholic ladies who vote for him every six years that he has “immense respect for the Holy Father and his leadership in the faith and the cause of world peace.” His spokesman then makes him into a theologian: “The senator was simply making a general point that every one who comes forward at Mass can receive Communion.”
Everyone? Everyone?!
“Osama bin Laden, come on down! You’re the next contestant on ‘What’s My Conscience?,’ where everybody’s a winner. Johnny tell him what he’s won.”
“Bob, Osama’s won the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ, for doing nothing! By the simple fact that he’s breathing he’s eligible to receive the Eucharist. That’s right, no embarrassing Confession, no moral code, no hassle of becoming Catholic. If you want Him, you can have Him.”
“Who’s next, Bob?”
“Saddam Hussein, come on down…”
Y’know Dom, youy actually aren’t harsh enough: “The Price is Right” has higher standards than the Kerry/Kennedy Church.
Before Johnny tells you what you’ve won, you actually have to outguess the other three on Contestant’s Row to get on stage. And then when you play the Pricing Game with Bob, you have to match the price tag, guess most expensive, saunter down the Golden Road, sink a golf shot, keep the little hiker dude on the mountain … whatever. The point is you have to DO *something* to win your prize. (Not in KerryChurch … I mean, why even bother with that embarrassing confession blather.)
Embarrassing true fact, in case it isn’t obvious: my first exposure to America from within, my first sight of American culture upon emigration, was … an episode of “The Price Is Right.”
Well, I don’t know about Osama or Saddam, but the grounds for excluding Protestants who believe in the real presence (like me) do seem a little more tenuous than previously…
Ted Kennedy can’t find his *** with both hands. He’s been riding on his father’s coattails for years. I edit him out of my consciousness. Something like misquitoes.
BTW, like Ted Kennedy is such a serious practicing Catholic. And his father before him. Give me a break.
#1 – I doubt Kennedy and Kerry and the like believe in the Real Presence. If they do, and still behave the way they do… well, God have mercy on them.
#2 – As Kerry has taken part in communion ceremonies in Protestant churches, I’m sure he sees no reason whatsoever to exclude other Christians from the Catholic Eucharist.
Maybe” Let’s Make a Deal” would work too??
Mr. Bettinelli,
That was a hilarious post. Thank you.
Christine
I loved it too!