A conservative lexicon

A conservative lexicon

Just to show we’re not only picking on our liberal brothers and sisters and their peculiar ways of talking, how about we add some definitions of words that those of a more conservative bent use and what they really mean.

When I was a student at Franciscan University of Steubenville, my friend Patrick Coffin and I developed the Steubie Student’s Dictionary, a lexicon of words and phrases that everybody used and what people really meant by them.

A few examples:

  • “What I really feel like God is trying to tell you…” really means “This is what I want you to do.”

  • “I’m discerning (a vocation to the priesthood/to the religious life)” means “I don’t want to go out with you.”

  • “Would you like to go out on a date?” meant “Do you want to go the chapel and pray for our future marriage?”

And so on. So what words, phrases, and concepts do we use, say here in St. Blogs or among those of various conservative leanings, and what do they really mean?

  • “The Situation” means sexual perversion and abuse in the priesthood contrary to the Sixth Commandment, and bishops who enable that activity.

  • I’ve never really liked (or used) “the Situation” as a description. I think it’s too bland. That’s why I’ve always preferred to call it “the Scandal.” Much more descriptive.

  • I tend to like “The Situation” because it emphasizes through gross understatement.

    I see that almost no one can come up with buzzwords on the conservative side.  That may be because we know them as Truth and they aren’t funny.  A few conservative buzzwords are “Perpetual Adoration”, “Holy Sacrifice of the Mass”, “Body and Blood of Christ”, “Sunday Obligation”, “Till Death Do Us Part”, “Adultery”, “Fornication”, “Sanctifying Grace”, “Actual Grace”, “Partial Judgment”, “General Judgment”, “He”, “God the Father”, “Legion of Mary”, “Holy Name Society”, “Strange Gods”, “Partial Indulgence”, “Plenary Indulgence”…well, you get the idea.  I didn’t think there was any point to posting definitions.

  • The term “real presence” gets thrown around alot. In my limited understanding, this reference to the blessed sacrament is not ideal. There are other presences(if that is a word) of Christ that are real also i.e. in the words of Scripture, in the Church His Body, etc. A more accurate term might be “substantial presence”.

  • wp:comment_author_url>http://cinecon.blogspot.com
    2005-01-20 22:18:24
    2005-01-21 02:18:24

    Ohmigawd … yes, yes, yes. There is nothing in the world more patronizing, more self-righteous, more “arent-I-good”-ist than that phrase coming at the end of a vigorous, heated, borderline-nasty discussion. Particularly when it—or “God bless” or something similar—is the only thing in the note.

    It probably makes me come across as more of a jerk than I am, but the one thing I will never do in public is say something the primary effect of which is to make myself look righteous or to perform a moral bath on myself. And when it’s something so risk- and cost-free, so popular, so applause-gathering—well, human motivations cannot be trusted at that point. The one thing even the thickest atheist can learn from the Gospels is not to trust people who make public declarations of their own piety.

  • Slightly scramled one phrase:

    “the one thing I will never do in public” should read “one of the things I will never do in public discussion.”

  • These may belong more in the cringe thread, but you got me going with Franciscan University lexicon memories.
    2) comment_date>2005-01-21 12:49:38
    2005-01-21 16:49:38
    Dave Barry, Seamole?  High praise indeed.  I’m not worthy (bow, scrape, bow, scrape).  And can we please have a moment of silence for me because I can’t decipher what I suspect is a common blog acrostic, ROTFL?

  • IMHO, you really need to get out more. ROTFL means “Rolling on the floor laughing” and is the big brother of LOL, i.e. “laughing out loud.”

    Now you should RTFM before you ask another FAQ.

    And Seamus, despite Patrick’s protestations, you have hit your head on the nail. He is the Canadian Dave Barry. (Wow, I get a headache imagining such a thing. Or maybe it’s from hitting my head on nails.)

  • Oh yeah?  Well, how would you feel if I told you to GVHIMK, or implied that your mother WAB, or splashed your UYTH all over the headlines?  Bet that would royally HIUYNX your HJP, huh.

    I’ll also bet Dave Barry never called Seamus “Seamole,” neither.  BTW (this means By The Way—and don’t thank me, I’m hear for you guys), I first thought ROTFL spelled Right On The Frickin’ Label.  Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to do some, um, reading, per the exhortation of MacMaster Dom, who should take care of that smarting head wound.

  • “A time of healing for our parish” means we’re really embarrassed at letting our pastor/bishop/parish committee making us look damn foolish, and we wanna sweep it under the rug like it never happened as soon as possible.

    “Finding a vocation” is a way to put undue pressure on young adults to make the worst mistake of their lives. Reality check: We don’t “find” a vocation. It comes from God, and He finds US. Good news to confirmed bachelors and spinsters everywhere.

    “A Vatican II parish” is one run by people who have never read its documents.

    “A conservative parish” is one that steers towards the middle, and whose members never make any waves, even when they should.

    “A welcoming parish” is one that tries a little too hard at it, but whose pastor is too busy being popular to return phone calls from those who really need it.

    “An orthodox Catholic” is one who votes Republican whatever their record on abortion, or who plays golf regularly with the same.

    So, how am I doin’?


  • RC:  I’ll have to tell you my Natalie MacMaster (an authentically devout Catholic, BTW) brush with fame story some time.

    David Alexander-Koch:  You’re doin’ fine.  I esp like the vocation one, although I’d switch orthodox with conservative, a la Sean Hannity.  I’d also add:

    “Single for the Lord:”  A state of life made up by unattractive middle-aged Catholics.

    “Spirit of Vatican II:”  Any venture or idea bearing no relation to the letter of Vatican II.

    “Powerless feminist:”  An offensive oxymoron.  And not funny.

    “Papal authority:”  A concept that does not exist (see powerless feminist).

  • Well, it’s *Cape* Breton (snarky, self-satisfied grin over how my American brothers know little about my home and native land) and yes, she’s one and the same.  Not only does Natalie fiddles in a virtuoso (virtuosa?) fashion, with the unique twist that she simultaneously step dances.  Plus she’s a shameless papist. 

  • Eh, Patrick, could you send some poutine and some back bacon down to me, who doesn’t have any in the land of bilk and money. (And stick in a couple a Tim Hortons while yer at it.) I’d be willing to pay fer aboot 10 loonies worth. Go Leafs.

  • Dom…In order of your queries: 1) no, but mother is an Orca whale (which may explain my black and white moral sense); 2) what—you think they’re towed by cats?; 3) only when forced to by Yankee customers, like some entertainment monkeyboy; 4) nice try with your little trick question—Bob lives in Vancouver, eh.

    Victor:  Ah, Tims!  Exceptional work, V.  I’m always deeply satisfied when my cuddly American friends scratch their heads wondering what funny thing they missed.  Excuse me now, for I go to mourn Pierre Berton’s passing by putting away too many Alexander Keiths.