You Know You’re From Massachusetts When…

You Know You’re From Massachusetts When…

From Blogthings:

  • The person driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you are cursing him for going too slow.

  • You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.

  • You almost feel disappointed when someone doesn’t flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space.

  • You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Haverhill, Barre and Cotuit.

  • You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday in order to get beer.

  • You know that there are two Bulger brothers, and that they’re both crooks.

  • You know what they sell at a packie.

  • You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call.

  • You can actually find your way around Boston.

  • Evacuation Day is a recognized holiday.

  • You know what First Night is.

  • You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus.

  • You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day.

  • You have never been to Cheers.

  • When the words ‘WICKED’ and ‘GOOD’ go together.

  • You knew that there was no chance in hell that the Pats would move to Hartford.

  • You have gone to at least one party at UMass.

  • You think Doug Flutie is the greatest athlete ever.

  • You remember exactly where you were when the ball rolled through Buckner’s legs.

  • You know how to make a frappe.

  • You know that “Big Dig” is also a kind of ice cream you can get at Brigham’s.

  • You actually know how to merge from 6 lanes of traffic down to one.

  • You never go to “Cape Cod”, you go “down the Cape”.

  • You think that Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs and Derek Jeter are more evil than Whitey Bulger.

  • You went to Old Sturbridge Village, Plymouth Plantation, or both, on field trip in grammar school.

  • You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day.

  • You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing line.

  • You know that P-Town isn’t the name of a new rap group.

  • You know that Ludlow is 90% Portuguese and that Fall River is 90% Lebanese.

  • You do not recognize the letter “R” as a part of the English language.

  • You’ve called something “wicked pissa”

  • You have driven to either Rhode Island, New Hampshire or Vermont for a tattoo.

  • You see people like Steven Tyler (Aerosmith), Dicky Barret (The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones), Tracy Bonham, Evan Dando (The Lemonheads) and Ric Ocasek (The Cars) in the local supermarket and it doesn’t phase you.

  • You’ve slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater

  • Know at least three Tony’s, one Vinnie and a Frank(ie)

  • Paranoia sets in if you can’t see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS within eyeshot at all times.

  • You keep an ice scraper and can of de-icer on the floor of your car…year round

  • You still try to order curly fries from Burger King

  • You order iced coffee in January

  • You know what candlepin bowling is

  • You drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax

  • You’ve pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left.

  • You’ve bragged about the money you’ve saved at The Christmas Tree Shop

  • You know what a “regular” coffee is

  • You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Massachusetts.

I’ve deleted a few that I didn’t get or don’t apply anymore, such as those relating to the Red Sox never winning the World Series.

[Thanks to Karen Hall]
Written by
Domenico Bettinelli
16 comments
  • I can relate to everything on this thread, including Roz’s comment (since I was born and brought up in Motown) and I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when Buckner bobbled the ball.

  • Do you mean most of MA can’t buy beer on Sunday?

    Oh, the beauty of living “near” NH.

  • I didn’t know 90% of Ludlow is Portuguese!  I wonder if my cousin knows that?  She lives there.  Actually, I thought they had a good-sized Polish population…

    This list was a wicked pissa

  • Sweet, Dom.  But actually, you can get a tatoo on Route 6 in Wareham.  Another town that you need to have been from around here to pronounce properly.

  • WHERE-UM.

    This is awful but it sounds like an old Lone Ranger bit o’ dialogue.

    “Wareham they go, Kemosabi?”

    “I don’t know, Taunton.”

    Onlooker:

    “Who was that Massasoit Man?”

    Massasoit banker:

    “They call him the loan arranger, Ma’am”

    [up William Tell Overture]

  • Excellent.  I’ll never forget how shocked I was after I moved to Boston and ordered a chocolate milk shake one day.  Of course, what I wanted, in the native tongue, was a black-and-white frappe.

  • Here’s another one- you know that South Boston isn’t in south Boston.

  • The old geographic description of Boston goes something like this…

    Start in the middle—the South End.

    Go east, and you’re in South Boston.

    Go north from there, and you’re in East Boston.

    Now go to Roxbury. Go south, and you’re in West Roxbury.

    Now go to Dorchester. Go west, and you’re in North Dorchester.

    There are scientific studies that show that Bostonians in particular and New Englanders in general process information about directions differently from people in the rest of the country.

  • Why delete this one, Dom?

    “You own a ‘Yankees Suck’ shirt or hat.”

    That is as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, no matter how many World Serieses are won by the Red Sox (or the first-placed Washington Nationals).

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