The Ballad of Petey the Parrot: An Uplifting Poem for Children

The Ballad of Petey the Parrot: An Uplifting Poem for Children

From a friend with a very odd sense of humor. Warning: deals with sensitive subjects and some innuendo.

Petey the Parrot served twenty-one months
Of a rap for indecent exposure.
His Bishop paroled him and give him a perch
On his pear-wood episcopal crosier.

He scolded the skeptics who labelled the bird
Unsuited for pastoral placement:
“I’m giving him charge of the CCD staff
And an office in Barney Frank’s basement.”

Chorus:
Hide the eggs, Gwendolyn, hide the eggs Tom!
  Hide the eggs Kate and Kareem!
Petey the Sinister Young Adult Minister’s
  back on the pastoral team!
With an aawk! and a squawwk! twenty months and you walk,
  back on the pastoral team!

Petey was therapized, pampered, prepared,
Pronounced cured by professional weasels
Who shortly thereafter were found to have died
From a sorrowful shortage of T-cells.

The cops nearly nabbed him at Cock-a-Two’s Bar
But Petey was just enough quicker
To fly through the window, and home, where he found
He’d been named archdiocesan vicar.

Chorus:
Hide the eggs, Gwendolyn, hide the eggs Tom!
  Hide the eggs Kate and Kareem!
Petey the Sinister Young Adult Minister’s
  back on the pastoral team!
With an aawk! and a squawwk! twenty months and you walk,
  back on the pastoral team!

When the parents complained that his ministry style
Included non-standard relations,
The kindly old bishop asked Petey to screen
First his phone calls, and then his vocations.

It didn’t take long for the entering class
To grow from near thirty to—zero.
Now Petey’s a bishop himself, don’t you know,
and described as “The NCR’s hero.”

Chorus:
Hide the eggs, Gwendolyn, hide the eggs Tom!
  Hide the eggs Kate and Kareem!
Petey the Sinister Young Adult Minister’s
  back on the pastoral team!
With an aawk! and a squawwk! twenty months and you walk,
  back on the pastoral team!

Written by
Domenico Bettinelli

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