Inspired by the recent wave of women declaring themselves to be priests when it is quite impossible for them to do so, Adoro Te Devote is getting in touch with her inner vegetable and having herself declared a tomato.
I have painted my legs green, and my hair also, and just LOVE the new look! And I’ve got the most perfectly red-orange dress, rounded out and fitted in at the hem to appear to be bulging. Once I’m settled and hanging out in the summer sun for awhile, my complexion will turn red, too, so the transformation can be complete.
I’m not going to take any vows of obedience to the gardener-horticulturist who is declaring my status—he’s just a tool in the shed, and I’m just using his “authority”. I declare as my authority only the dirt I stick my feet in because that’s what makes us grow. Just the dirt and the minerals are my guide. Now, I haven’t actually bothered to study how they work, or what the minerals actually are, but I’m sure that it’ll work just fine once I’m firmly planted.
Heck, women declaring themselves priests, two men or two women declaring themselves married, anybody else want to declare themselves something impossible. After all, the Supreme Court has told us (in Planned Parenthood v. Casey) that “At the heart of liberty is the right to define one’s own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life.”
I declare myself to be a pepper. Or is it Pepper? Why decide? I’m a pepper Pepper.