Ha, ha, I’m in heaven and you’re not.

Ha, ha, I’m in heaven and you’re not.

I thought this was a parody at first, but evidently it’s not. If you’re an Evangelical who believes in the Rapture—the theology behind the “Left Behind” series of End Times books—then you believe that at some point all the “real” Christians are going to disappear into heaven (be assumed?), leaving behind all those poor benighted non-believers who will have to endure the Apocalypse and have one final chance to give their lives to Christ as their personal Lord and Savior.

But say you’re a tech-savvy Christian who wants to give your non-believing friends and family one last chance — or at least a final “I told you so”— then you need to sign up for “You’ve Been Left Behind.” YBLB is an email service that will send one final message to all those people who have been “left behind”. As their press release puts it:

This website allows the customer to edit all documents and addresses at any time. This online site is run and programmed by Christians. It employs a “dead man’s switch” to automatically send the Emails after the Rapture of the Church has taken place. Multiple safeguards have been put into place to prevent premature sending of stored documents.

Customers of You’ve Been Left Behind Get an account with 250MB of storages space. And can upload any document to send to as many as 62 email addresses. 150MB are stored 256 bit encrypted. Those documents can be individually sent to up to 12 specific email addresses. 100MB of unencrypted storage can be collectively sent to another 50 email addresses. A blog is also available to customers with prewritten documents for the customer who does not have the time or prophecy knowledge to write their own general letters.

 

All this for only $40 per year. Every year. And all the proprietors have to do is … nothing. The perfect business plan.

 

Written by
Domenico Bettinelli
6 comments
  • worse yet – what if you’re spelunking amongst stalagtites and stalagmites (since I don’t recall which ones are on top) wink

  • Great post title – I checked the site out, in order to believe it.  Posted about it at my blog – are there people out there this gullible who would pay $40 a year?  Sad, to say the least.

  • two problems:

    First, what if one or more of the folks who work for this Christian company are fake Christians? Wouldn’t they be able to keep throwing the dead-man’s switch, to delay the sending of the messages? And might they be motivated to do so if they supported the Anti-Christ (among other possible motivations)? How can they guarantee me that they are all rapture-destined Christians?

    Then, what if I am the fake Christian (honestly deceived, of course)? What if I think I am a Christian but am not. (e.g.: I think I am worshiping Christ, but am actually worshiping a wheaten wafer, or since I honestly believe that my behavior has some effect on my eternal destination, I am not really 100% trusting Christ for my salvation)? Wouldn’t I be embarrassed to still be on earth when all my friends get my messages? Is there some way I can cancel the messages if I am among the Left Behind?

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