A priest’s unfair advantage

A priest’s unfair advantage

Recall the story of Fr. James Aquino, the priest of the Worcester, Mass., diocese was just removed from ministry by his bishop, a year after he was arrested in an adult bookstore in Las Vegas, when police say they observed engaging in “inappropriate activity” with another man.

And who was Aquino vacationing with at the time? His friend Msgr. Louis Piermarini. That information makes this story all the more interesting. Apparently, the monsignor caused an uproar at Aquino’s parish because he was playing Bingo there and winning regularly while using a machine that many people thought gave him an unfair advantage.

For those ignorant louts not tuned in to pop culture, the Bingo Brain is a pricey, book-sized computer that contains a screen and a keyboard, and allows its user to keep track of a large number of bingo cards simultaneously by feeding the number that’s called out into the computer. This is an advantage in bingo, in which people typically play multiple cards at once but must make sure they mark off each number as it’s called out.

The problem, according to some disgruntled players, is that the man with the Bingo Brain seems to win a lot. Another problem, according to me, is that the man with the Bingo Brain is Monsignor Louis P. Piermarini, director of religious education for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Worcester.

Written by
Domenico Bettinelli
  • “I get a kick out of it,’’ he said. “I don’t go to win. I go to relax and enjoy the game. I don’t know how anyone can say it’s unfair.’’

    Duh!  He doesn’t go to win?  I’ll bet the good monsignor was in a bingo hall in Vegas while his buddy was looking over the porn shop.  And now we know how they might have financed the trip.

    Somebody should ask the monsignor for a copy of the cancelled check he wrote for the ‘Bingo Brain’.

  • Perfect: the monsignor affluent enough to buy a bingo computer vs. the OLs living on Social.  Real nice from a social-justice POV. 

    Too bad Msgr’s bingo income doesn’t count as double-dipping a la Walter Cuenin.

  • As scandalous and horrible as this is, I can’t stop laughing.  I mean really, this is just ludicrous.  I challenge anyone to come up with a funnier parody of the follies of contemporary Catholic clergy.  Never have so many been so scandalized by something so petty…

    Combine the Bingo Brain monsignor with the processionally pirouhetting presider, and you’re just one gagline away from a fully commercially-viable sitcom pilot (working title: “Venial Sin”).  Care to try your hand at screenwriting, Dom?