Thieves strike at the very heart of Ireland

My biggest question is why this hasn’t happened sooner: A gang of bandits broke into the Guinness Brewery in Dublin and stole a truck full of beer. Apparently every policeman in the country is out looking for the truck… as well as all the able-bodied men.

Unfortunately, while they caught two of them, the much of the beer is still at large:

The Garda Siochana police force declined to specify how many kegs have been recovered following the Nov. 29 raid, when a lone man drove a truck into the brewery, hitched up a trailer loaded with 450 kegs and drove straight out through the security gate into rush-hour traffic. Guinness called it the biggest robbery in the 248-year history of the brewery.

I can just imagine they won’t specify how many kegs have been recovered: “Sergeant, we’ve caught two of the thieves and they had 50 kegs on them.”

“Fifty, you say? Or did you mean 25?”

“Oh yeah…. Um, is your trunk unlocked, Sarge?”

The irony is that it wasn’t all Guinness stout in the kegs.

The stolen trailer was loaded up with 180 kegs of Guinness stout, 180 kegs of brand Budweiser and 90 kegs of Danish brand Carlsberg. Guinness has a contract to brew and distribute those beers in Ireland.

Hmm, maybe this explains the arrest of the two suspects, who were probably the least-liked members of the gang:

“Jimmy, you won’t believe it. This isn’t all proper Irish stout! There’s …. Budweiser in here.”

“What will we do with that bunny pee? I have an idea then. Hey Seamus, I have your cut for you and Sean…”

A little anonymous tip and there you go.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a flight to Ireland to catch. I’m hot on the trail and I’m expecting a big reward for the capture of thieves and the recovery of (most) of the stolen booty. (You have to verify it’s the real thing, of course.)